Church Practices

In my more than 30 years of ministry, I have observed a subtle but damaging trend. One that has hindered our ability to be truthful and honest in relationships as the Church. It seems in the Church, at least in my part of the world, we have grown comfortable flattering where we ought to lovingly correct. Too often, we call this "being nice" or "protecting peace." I think when we replace biblical accountability with empty compliments, we aren't protecting the church—we are eroding the witness to a world that desperately needs to see integrity. Jesus Christ’s call for us to be the light and the salt of the world is undermined.

One of the clearest warning signs of this issue is the double standard: what is viewed as wrong and quickly rebuked in a stranger is understood and tolerated when it comes to friends. What I mean is when someone outside our circle steps out of line, we are quick to spot the flaw and demand truth. But when a close friend or leader makes the same mistake, we look the other way or, worse, shower them with flattery to avoid discomfort. That double standard is wrong. Partiality isn't grace—it’s compromise.

Scripture reminds us of the danger of flattery and the true value of honest, loving correction:

“A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.” — Proverbs 29: When we flatter a friend instead of addressing an issue, we don't protect them; we set them up for a larger fall. True accountability keeps people safe, whereas flattery leaves them exposed.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” — Proverbs 27:6 It takes real spiritual maturity to sit down with someone we care about and speak truth. Hard truths delivered in grace build lasting character, while superficial praise undermines trust.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” — Ephesians 4:15

Remember these two thoughts

Flattery protects feelings. Truth protects souls.

Flattery dulls the salt. Compromise dims the light.

The world does not need a church that is merely “nice.” It needs a church that is true, honest, courageous, and Christlike. If we truly love one another, we must recover the ministry of loving correction — not harshness, not public shaming, but truth wrapped in grace, spoken with humility and courage. The Church grows when we stop flattering and start discipling. It becomes strong when we stop excusing and start correcting. It becomes credible when we stop protecting comfort and start protecting integrity. This is the accountability that builds a mature body of Christ.